What’s real intimacy? Self-revelation using words. They were open to self-help recourses, and thanked each other for presenting them. High-high couples made love in new ways in new places, and at different times. Anything new and different stimulates release of dopamine, the neurotransmitter of sexual heat. High-high couples were able to negotiate sexual frequencies both could live with more or less comfortably. High frequency and high satisfaction were strongly associated with: Sexual Elements That Enhanced Frequency and Satisfaction When one partner says, “I/we are too old for sex,” the other feels alienated. Low-low elders tended to have long histories of sexual dissatisfaction with each other. These kill desire and impair performance. Emotional distance and chronic relationship tensions.Low-low couples often disagreed on how long sex should last, with one’s insistence on quickies often causing resentments in the other. Little or no kissing, cuddling, mutual whole-body massage, genital hand massage, oral sex, or toys. No candles, music, laughter, or whispered endearments before and during sex. If the same thing happens repeatedly, both partners develop resentments. When one spouse presents material offering sexual suggestions and the other dismisses it, the presenter gets annoyed and the other feels defensive. Lovers who don’t discuss their changing desires and needs or who stop checking in about these issues after a certain age wind up feeling out of touch with each other. After a while, the same old thing all the time stops being fun. When one wants sex significantly more than the other, lovemaking suffers. Low frequency and low satisfaction were strongly associated with: Sexual Elements That Reduced Frequency and Satisfaction
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